Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
