SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize