i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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