I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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