May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ketchup is God's man juice
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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