but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
