I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
