Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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