so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
