I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
