I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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