I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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