we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
