My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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