I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
