i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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