She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
