i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
