I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Alive.
So much puke
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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