you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize