Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
