never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
