I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a search helicopter?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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