bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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