check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm too high and old for this...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
