I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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