I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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