Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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