don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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