I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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