he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
