dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
