I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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