Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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