Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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