Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
