question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
