I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to make out with him forever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
