i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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