Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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