i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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