I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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