We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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