Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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