Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
