So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
