These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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