It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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