Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
