I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
