Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
