Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
