went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
